This is a very special and personal post I am writing today.
Five years ago day for day one of my best friend, someone I had so deep in my heart passed away from a brain tumour. He was just 37 leaving behind two absolutely wonderful children.
On a casual day at work, his sister called me to announce to me that I may want to visit him in hospital as time is now running out. I packed my stuff, and took 4 days off work which turned into 8 almost losing my job. But never mind, he was my friend and precious love to me, nothing could stop me from doing what was right for him, for me, for us.
I was so scared and anxious to see him, afraid not to cope with my feelings. Because I knew the diagnostic but did he ever know… He was joyful and so happy to see me! Asking me why I was there, I replied with a great laugh “Well you have always been there for me so I am here for you” I was hiding my pain behind my smile! I had NO right to break down in front of him, that was not something I would have allowed.
I am so grateful for all the special moments I had the honour to spend with him since we met, and before he left that beautiful world.
We got to spend a special moment in hospital, some “us” quality time that I will never ever forget. We were laughing so much, he was telling me about stories while he was staying in hospital. He was incredibly hopeful and was talking about the future. My heart was broken. My pain was so deep, the sort of pain I never felt before so I was connected to him.
During the 8 days I stayed over there, he came out of hospital and got home where I was staying, I am very close to his own family and consider them as my own family. So that was no brainer to where I was staying.
His state was not getting any better, he was suffering, it was heartbreaking seeing him so lifeless and powerless. My dear friend was the most positive person I ever knew and someone I learned so much from so he was inspiring.
I gave him my all attention, nothing else was important to me, I was barely going out even though the weather was wonderful and the sea was calling me. I stayed in because I was here for him and did not want to lose one minute away from him.
Within that time, I did everything that was in my power to uplift him, relieve his pain. Oh boy, that was tough, that was surreal, that was horrific… My pain was beyond anything I could possibly ever imagine. My body has given me the strength and courage to get through this though.
When it came the day to say goodbye I knew that was it, I knew there will be no next time. I kissed him, I hugged him telling him “See you soon buddy, I love you to the moon and back”.
A week later, I got “that” phone call my dearest friend had gone to a better place.
What came after was a rollercoaster, higher than the Disneyland ones, I am telling you.
I became scared not having enough time to accomplish it all, to the point that I was always going out or found something to do, I was always busy! No time to myself, I was filling my days with things… I was simply avoiding facing my feelings, it was too hard.
My body was getting tired, my emotions were all over the place, I was attracting the wrong people, I was out of my body and could not recognise myself anymore.
Indeed, I changed and I changed forever. When I came to realise my life was not going in the right direction I decided to change and most importantly to stop the vicious cycle I was in. I needed to break it down and take control back over my own life.
Yoga came my way and helped me to understand my body pain, rituals found me and helped me to let go. I was on the mend and my life started to shift positively.
Reading, listening to podcasts, and finding purpose in what I was doing has been a lifesaver. I decided to commit to myself more than ever. It takes one click to realise where you are at and how powerful we are to change things for the better.
My biggest learning was to spend more time with myself and try to understand my feelings and emotions.
This is when I stopped taking life for granted, I was in control, my life was taking a new direction.
Today I want to dedicate this post to my beautiful friend, my sweet love, and an amazing friendship. Even gone he has had the power to help me through.
Life, time, people, love, health, freedom should never be taken for granted. Make the most of you, the most of your life and never wait for tomorrow… I do not, I never wait for tomorrow, I am always up for new exciting things, to make new connections, and travel the world because I never know if tomorrow will come along.
Reflect and practice gratitude, give it a try, and see what happens.
Five years ago my friend left the world, and five years ago my therapy started. I am grateful for him, grateful for what he taught me, grateful for my life even if it’s far from being perfect, but I make it perfect in my own way.
Will always be in my deepest thoughts and close to my heart, I love you Guillaume. LOvE <3